MOVIE REVIEWS
Desperation
Chris Evangelista
The DVD cover art for Desperation is a picture of Ron Perlman standing in front of a police car on a dark road. Behind him is a road sign that reads DESPERATION. POPULATION: DEAD! Looking at the cover, you laugh and think, “Looks like good corny horror fun!” Well, dear friends, you are wrong.
Desperation is an adaptation of the Stephen King novel of the same name. King wrote the screenplay himself. This is either a blessing or a curse, depending on what you think about Stephen King. The novel is massive, and the film is only about two hours, which should tell you something right there.
The film was directed by Stephen King Best Friend Forever, Mick Garris. The film marks Garris’ sixth time directing something penned by King, and, like all of the five previous films, it’s not very good.
Desperation tells the story of an ancient demon, named Tak, who has possessed the body of the town sheriff, played by Ron Perlman. The possessed Perlman has literally killed the entire population of the town of Desperation, but sadly, does not write “POPULATION: DEAD!” on the road sign.
Several characters, on several road trips, are unlucky enough to get pulled over by Demon Cop. They end up locked up in the town jail. Among them are an aging writer, played by aging Tom Skerritt; a woman (Annabeth Gish) who was with her husband, until the ghoul sheriff shot him in the stomach while telling awful jokes; Charles Durning, playing himself, only older; and a family, the father of which is played by Mick Garris favorite/former Max Headrom, Matt Frewer. Also along for the ride is Steven Weber, playing Skeritt’s assistant, and Kelly Overton, playing a hitch-hiker.
Oh, and there’s another character I forgot to mention. His name is GOD. Yes, God plays a big part in Desperation. And this isn’t your pansy-ass metaphorical God. Oh no, this is literal “Here’s a vision!” God. You see, Matt Frewer’s son, David, loves to pray. He spends pretty much the entire film praying to God, and God spends nearly the entire movie not really answering. The movie falls into a pattern: The survivors run, the demon goes after them, David suggests they pray, the adults argue with David that there is no God, and then something stupid happens to one of the characters.
Just what exactly is King trying to say by shoving all this God stuff down our throats? It doesn’t really pay off. At the end of the film, the boy seems pretty pleased with God, despite the fact that God let demons kill his entire family.
Alright, alright, so, it’s a dumb movie. Why should we care? Can’t we just sit back and have some scary Stephen King fun? No, you can’t. Because the movie is not scary in the least. Nor is it exciting, or entertaining. There is no tension or mood to the film, just a series of drawn out scenes. You feel absolutely nothing for any of the characters, therefore it doesn’t really matter how many of them die. The only really enjoyable character in the whole movie is Perlman’s psycho sheriff, and he disappears halfway through the film.
“But, what about kills?” you ask. “In a movie filled with people getting killed by demons, there must be some fun deaths, right?” WRONG. What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you keep looking for light in the dark tunnel that is this movie? The deaths are boring, and, at one point, unintentionally funny. At the very end of the movie, after narrowly escaping Tak and his minions, a possessed crow flies out of nowhere and pecks Matt Frewer’s character’s forehead until he dies. I don’t even think he makes a sound, he just gets pecked in the head and falls down. Way to be anti-climactic, Garris.
In interviews, Mick Garris seems like a really nice fellow. He’s pleasant, and frequently smiling. He’s like a high school English professor who you really dig, the kind of teacher who uses curse words in class and makes you feel special. I imagine this is why he keeps getting work, because it sure as hell isn’t due to his talent as a director.
